I have googled endlessly about this topic, and I cannot seem to pinpoint within any of my research exactly what I experience. But what exactly do I mean by a “messy head”? To put it as easily as I can, at times, the inside of my head feels like a messy, disorganized house. Some would describe this as a flight of ideas each battling against each other in order to be the one I pay attention to. But it is difficult to hold my attention for longer than a couple of minutes before my mind is distracted by the next idea. This sounds a lot like hypomania, except it happens when I am depressed as well. However, while I’m depressed, the ideas usually have a more negative tone.
I write about it because it really helps my mind put things into perspective. Even as I write this, my mind is battling against these ideas in order to come up with a sensible way to express how it feels. It is like trying to get your word in at a very loud party. It is frustrating and makes it very difficult to focus on much of anything. However, somehow, I am managing to write this.
I ask myself, how?
How am I able to write this down while there is some sort of overly loud party going on in my head? How am I able to make sense of anything within all the noise and mess? Perhaps, because I am used to it, or because my medication makes it more bearable.
I remember the times when I was not medicated, how irritable I would become when my brain was messy. I understand myself a little better now and how my medication works, and my medication surely has tamed down my irritability. I am normally a very easy-going person, and thankfully my medication has allowed for this part of me to shine once again.
Aside from medication, there are a couple of things I do to quiet down the chatter as best I can. Some of them include drinking chamomile tea during the night, or Green tea during the day. Green tea improves my concentration greatly, mainly because it has a calming agent called L-Theanine, which is known to relieve stress and anxiety. On the other hand, chamomile tea helps me relax during the night. Studies show that chamomile tea can alleviate mania in patients with Bipolar Disorder. It has adaptogenic properties that can reduce anxiety and stress. Writing is also an excellent way for my brain to let out all the thoughts fighting to get out. Which makes sense, as journaling has been recommended as one of the best ways to calm a wandering mind.
As always, I hope this article helped you feel less alone and provided some light on a topic hardly spoken about.