How gaining 30 pounds helped change my life.

How gaining 30 pounds helped change my life.

The fitness world is a slippery slope, and before I go on, let me say that I still love to work out. I love fitness and the mental power that comes with transforming one's body. I get it, it's great. Physical fitness and being able to sustain high levels of physical activity make you feel invincible. It's almost like a drug; it's addictive. That's without mentioning the praise that you get when you transform your body. Oh! It's great. The irony is, I received more praise for transforming my body than I did for transforming my mind. 

Hear me out: the obsessive nature of today's culture in looking aesthetically pleasing is not just vain, it's a representation of who we are as a society. We are obsessed with appearances, and if one looks aesthetically pleasing, then by definition, we assume them to be highly intelligent and have an extraordinary mindset. More often than not, this is not the case. 

True, it takes dedication to transform your body, but when you're doing it for the wrong reasons, an extraordinary mindset doesn't follow. When I started working out, and dedicating blood, sweat and tears to the sport of weight lifting, I did it because I wanted to prove I wasn't weak. I wanted everyone to know that I was capable, and this was because deep down I felt extremely insecure about my abilities due to my mental illness: Bipolar Disorder. 

I never reached my desired level of fitness, because there was no level of physical fitness that could grant me self awareness nor true self love. I was obsessed with "proving" that I was "strong", without realizing that there was nothing to prove. You see, you are what you believe, and in my mind, I thought I was weak. No amount of physical fitness was going to allow me the ability to think anything different, for what needed fixing was my mindset. 

When I was this physically fit, my mental illness was wrecking havoc in my life. I was being bombarded with episodes of depression, mania, anxiety, catatonia and the list goes on. I ended up several times in the emergency room, and my personal life was falling to pieces. 

It's ironic, that I needed to gain 30 pounds to see myself for who I really was: a unique being that deserved love and acceptance. The pandemic brought a lot of changes for everyone, for me weight gain was one of them, and I've never been more appreciative of anything in my life. Gaining weight taught me that I didn't need to look any specific way to prove that I was strong. The lesson was right in front of my face, the lesson was simple: You are what you believe you are. 

There's nothing to prove to anyone, and if you're going into the fitness world in order to prove that you're worthy, let me be the first to tell you to stop. Fix your mindset, and you'll fix your crown.

Fitness is an excellent tool for your health. It takes dedication, love and perseverance. It's a beautiful thing to watch your body transform, however none of this will give you a new mindset. In order to fix your mindset, you have to first accept that there is a problem in the first place, and then take the appropriate steps towards fixing it. Working out to fix your mindset is similar to putting a Band-Aid over an open wound, it's merely temporary.  

Fix your mindset, and you'll fix your crown. 




2 comments

The self awareness of the piece itself says it all!

Although exercise is highly beneficial for depression, and looking good according to societal norms can be self enhancing,
physical fitness doesn’t necessarily mean anything else other than being physically fit.

Simon Wilson

The self awareness of the piece itself says it all!

Although exercise is highly beneficial for depression, and looking good according to societal norms can be self enhancing,
physical fitness doesn’t necessarily mean anything else other than being physically fit.

Simon Wilson

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